Sometimes even the best of movies have that one character who serves no purpose and threatens to torpedo an otherwise good movie. Did you ever think to yourself, “How much better would these movies have been without these characters?” Here are the best examples:
Fair Warning: If there is a particular movie in this list that you have not seen, I would skip through the write up for that film due to potential spoilers.
10. Tom Hanks in Cast Away
The majority of this film just follows Tom Hanks and his effort for survival on a deserted island. There’s long stretches of time where there is little to no dialogue at all. Do I care about Tom Hanks’ quest for some coconuts? If they’re going to follow a character around who doesn’t talk, they would’ve been better off just making the movie about Wilson.
The Star of the Film?
Okay, but seriously, Cast Away is awesome and so is Tom Hanks. This film is the perfect example of being able to go through long periods without dialogue and still remain riveting.
Now let’s get to the real characters who shouldn’t have existed.
9. Minnie Driver in Good Will Hunting
Is this the perfect example of a movie that was almost ruined by Hollywood’s need to insert a token romance sub-plot? The movie would been way better if it just focused on Matt Damon, the genius janitor, and his relationship with Robin Williams as a mentor. There was no need for Minnie Driver and her annoying British accent. And this is coming from someone who loves British accents. What would have been better is if instead of the scene where Will goes through the trouble of getting her number, he instead goes through the trouble of getting a nice warm bowl of New England Clam Chowder. He could have enjoyed a nice soup while avoiding an annoying woman. And then he could’ve gone on with becoming the next genius without any distractions.
I got some CHOWDAH!! How do you like dem apples?
8. Katie Holmes/Maggie Gyllenhaal in Batman Begins/The Dark Knight
In Christopher Nolan I trust. The guy has made some bold casting decisions. Who thought that the wimpy Australian guy from 10 Things I Hate About You would turn out to be such an amazing Joker? He also took a chance on the then somewhat unknown Christian Bale. Add in the casting of Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy, and Michael Caine, and you have a director who has some sense of guys who are going to enhance his films. This sense, however, hasn’t been there when it comes to casting female roles. Katie Holmes was an acting disaster in the the first one, but at least she looked good. Maggie Gyllenhaal was an okay actress in the second one, who did not look that good. The Rachel character was unneeded. I think even Christopher Nolan realized this, which is why he killed her off. And on a side note, we all know Batman found her annoying as well. I know some would tell you that he went to save Rachel in The Dark Knight, and that it was an address mix up. I dispute this. Batman knew exactly what he was doing by going to save Harvey. He wanted The Dark Knight Rises to be Rachel-free, just like us. No more annoying female subplots….
Here I come to ruin your movie!!
7. Chris Klein in American Pie
When people look back on American Pie, do people remember Jason Biggs’ awkwardness, his equally awkward father, his exchange student crush, his band geek prom date, Stifler, or his mom? I say none of the above. I just can’t get enough of the lax bro who took a break from his lax raping tendencies to explore his feminine side by chasing after an unattractive glee club girl with no personality while also getting to sing the McDonalds jingle.
What about me? Yeah you sucked too.
6. The Kids in Gran Torino
The more people that Clint Eastwood kills in a film, the better it is. I think this has been scientifically proven. All Clint wanted to do in this movie was sit and drink on his porch in peace. Yet, these two annoying neighbor kids just can’t stay off his damn lawn. Have these kids even seen The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly? They sure as hell would stay off his damn lawn had they seen that movie. Heck, even Paint Your Wagon would have made the young kid piss his pants. Yet, Clint sacrifices his own life to save these young kids who couldn’t leave him be. There’s gotta be an alternate script out there where Clint shoots everybody, the kids included, instead.
Where’s my shotgun?