Neither do I.
Instead, let’s talk about a serious issue: Sleepwalking.
I’ve never had any sleepwalking trouble in the past. Sure, I’ve been out of it in the middle of the night before. I once drove to morning swim practice at 2 AM and didn’t realize it until I got there. Actually, I did that twice, but one of the times I figured it out after I left the driveway. But I digress.
The other night, I had my first legitimate sleepwalking experience. When I woke up one morning, I noticed that my blinds on my window were on the floor. At this point, I started to remember what happened during the night. For some reason during the night, I really wanted to put my blinds up. I can’t figure out why I wanted to do this, so I’m going to assume that I was having an awesome dream about being under attack by Zombies.
I must have been under serious attack because I completely tore my blinds down. I must have been attempting to make an emergency escape from my window. Luckily for me, once the blinds were torn down, my focus shifted from escaping the zombies through the window to fixing my blinds. If I had woken up with a broken leg on my driveway, I would’ve been pissed. All I remember after that was that I spent five minutes standing on my bed trying to fix them.
When I looked at it the next morning, I could only laugh at my own idiocy. I had completely torn those suckers down. There was no fixing them. I wish I had video footage of sleepwalking me standing on my bed trying to fix them.
This fall, I’m taking my sleepwalking talents to the refrigerator.